OA...

“Hi! I’m Melissa and I’m a compulsive overeater.” I said before reading the “Invitation to OA” at the beginning of the Overeaters Anonymous meeting. It’s still the most sobering sentence I’ve ever said in my life. I haven’t made that statement since Rob died. I woke up this morning thinking it was time to get back to meetings.
In these four walls, I don’t think about anything else but what is being shared by other OA members. Everything else falls away. I’m confident enough to read aloud whatever is asked of me but I’m one of two people who doesn’t share anything. I’m on the verge of tears the whole time as usual. This time is for different reasons.
The Monday and Friday night meetings are my favorite. I decided to go to the Monday afternoon meeting today because it’s smaller, plus I wanted to make a necklace tonight which could technically be me making excuses not to go.
My sponsor has told me that we’re going to go through the 12 Steps again which for whatever reason is terrifying to me. The first time I did it, I was finishing it up when I met Rob. I now have to do it again through this grief madness and I’m trying to be up for it, to learn some more, to grow some more but it’s all rather scary. It feels crazy to even say that. Why is it that experiencing certain feelings creates such fear? I know good and well as soon as I experience something, it’ll come and go and not be here forever, but I’d much rather eat a cookie and not think about it.
I’m calmly elated when I leave the meeting. It felt so good to see familiar faces, and hear the familiar voices and they’re experiences being shared. Sometimes I wonder why I wait so long to go.
I spend the rest of the day at the theater, going for a long walk, catching my journal up and making a necklace. I’m quite pleased with what I come up with and fall into bed. Today felt like a much needed vacation.