Wasted...

…
“We need a date night!” I said to Kat over the phone in between clients one afternoon.
“I know! What about next Wednesday?” she asks.
“Perfect! I was thinking about splitting a bottle of wine and ordering Thai food.”
“Yay! Maybe after that, we could go to MJQ.”
“Absolutely!”
MJQ is our favorite club. It’s five minutes from our house and we always have a good time there. I’ve been wanting to go out dancing for a while now but haven’t made the effort.
When Wednesday arrives, I pick up dinner while Kat is finishing up at a yoga class. We’re both starving by the time she comes home.
“I haven’t had wine since before Rob’s accident.” I tell her after taking a sip from the pretty glass she brought over.
“Been too long!” she laughs.
As I’ve mentioned before, not only does alcohol aggravate my eating issue, it causes me to dip into a 24 hour depression the next day. I’ve been too scared to drink after Rob, afraid of what I might feel. For whatever reason though, I think I can handle it. Like maybe this time will be different.
“Want a Captain and Coke?” Kat giggles after we’ve polished off the bottle of wine and dinner.
“Uh huh!” This is how it starts…
She fixes us the “special Captain” that she brought back from London a while back. We can’t find it here on this side of the pond.
After that’s done, we’re pleasantly drunk and walking up the street to Limerick for yet another drink.
“Whatcha want?” she asks me.
“Absolute and tonic.” I smile.
She orders the same then turns to talk to a girl she knows who is standing next to us. I see this girl talking and I hear her voice, but I have no idea what she’s saying. I’m completely apathetic.
“Kat, we should a car bomb.” I giggle a little while later.
“Ok!”
I can’t remember the last time I did one. There’s a reason for that. I don’t know what’s possessing me to get stupid. We order and suck down the car bombs, giggling.
“You ready?” Kat asks after the vodka tonics are done.
“Yup.” I slur.
Once outside finding a cab is proving to be impossible.
“Ok, let’s go to Blind Willie’s, get a drink and call a cab.” Kat pipes up.
“Deal.”
Blind Willie’s is a blues bar next door to Limerick. Once inside we park at the bar and drink one more vodka tonic.
After that, I don’t remember what happened…
…I roll out of bed needing the bathroom. I don’t bother putting on my glasses. It isn’t until I’m in the bathroom when I look down at my bare legs and see that I’m naked. Why am I naked? My eyes are dry and I realize that I’m still in last night’s makeup. How did that happen? I try to replay the events of last night but keep stopping at Blind Willie’s. What happened after? How did we get home? God Almighty. What is that smell?
I stumble back to my room, realizing I am still drunk. It’s 9am and that smell is my own vomit. I suddenly remember a sliver of a dream about throwing up last night. It didn’t register at the time that it was actually happening… in my own damn bed, while I was still in it.
Oh my gosh. Really? Oh my gosh… Is all I can think. What happened to me? Never have I ever been so sick. I slowly lower myself on my stomach across the end of the bed, away from the mess. I had kicked my comforter completely off. I stare at the bookshelf, unable to move.
“Lissa?” Kat’s voice whispers through the crack in my door. I perk up.
“Kat. I’m naked, and still drunk. What the fuck happened?” I pull the comforter off the floor and over my body.
“Oh my gosh.” she says when she opens the door. “Are you ok?”
“Not so much. I don’t remember anything that happened after Willie’s.”
“You had fun!” she giggles.
“This… is not fun. What happened at MJQ?”
“We had a drink, and danced until about one thirty. You didn’t do anything stupid or anything. I did think though while we were walking out that the cop standing at the door was going to say something. You were stumbling pretty badly, but that‘s all.”
“Oh Lord…I am never doing this again. For real. No more alcohol. Ever. I mean it.”
“I’m sorry love. Do you want any water?” she asks.
“Not yet.”
“Kay. Go back to sleep.” she closes the door.
There’s no way I’m sleeping in here. I roll off the bed again and stumble into the shower.
While I know it’s supposed to feel good to be clean, I can’t feel anything. I pull on one of Rob’s shirts and curl up on the couch in the living room.
I sleep for three more hours. I’m going into work at two. I contemplate calling in sick but I need to go. I feel I deserve to be miserable after what I just did to my body.
I throw up three more times while cleaning up the mess I made in my room. My throat is raw and nothing is comforting to it. I try to look human after that’s all said and done. I pull on a dress and spread flesh colored foundation across the skin of my face, followed by blush and lip gloss.
When I climb into my car, I try to start the ignition and nothing happens. Over and over I try to start it. Nothing. Instead of screaming or crying I simply get out and walk back to the house. The sun is burning my eyes.
“Kat?” I call out to her once inside.
“Yeah?” she appears at the doorway.
“Car won’t start.” I mumble.
“Ok, hang on.”
Seconds later she returns with the keys to Gordon’s car.
“Here ya go. Take his car and we’ll figure out what to do with yours later.”
“Thanks love.” I smile and go to work. I had this issue with the car earlier this week but it started and everything has been fine since.
Part of my day is full at work. There’s a huge gap in between my afternoon and evening clients. For once, I’m ok with that.
In between clients I’m in the break room staring at the wall when Shali asks, “What’s wrong Melissa?”
“I am so hung over.” I slowly reply. Everyone stops talking.
“You?!” Sarah giggles.
I nod, laughing all the sudden.
“You never drink!” she exclaims.
“This is why!” I laugh.
“Where did you go?” Erin pipes up.
“Limerick, Willie’s, and MJQ but I don’t remember that part.”
“Why are you even here?” Sarah asks.
“Girl’s gotta eat.” I laugh. “Besides, self induced illness is no reason to call in.”
“I think you were due for a crazy night after the past couple of months you’ve had.” she smiles.
I nod. “It won’t happen again. I so wanted to go out dancing too! I can’t even remember it! There’s a part of my life that’s gone forever now!”
“Welcome to my world.” Sarah laughs.
I wander upstairs to the spa a little later, curl up on a couch in a tight ball and read for my two hour gap in between clients. The reading is mixed with more staring into space. Maybe this is why last night happened. I’d been going 100mph and needed to stop, take a break. I didn’t slow down when I needed to and this is where I’ve ended up. Nothing feels important now but feeling better.
Work ends and I go home, still carrying my dizzying nausea. I contemplate finishing the necklace I started last night but sit down on the couch to read instead. When my eyes become too heavy to stay open, I get up and turn off the overhead light. I want nothing to do with my room for whatever reason. I fall asleep on the couch.