Date...

I went to work on Friday and saw that a particular client I have a bit of a crush on was my first appointment. I cut his hair once, a couple months ago and really enjoyed his company. I was happy to see him again before moving.
“I’m back!” he exclaims, sitting down in my chair.
“I’m glad!” I laugh.
“You did a great job so more of the same would be great.” he tells me.
“Deal.”
I get him shampooed and start cutting. We talk about what’s been happening in between his last haircut and now. I tell him about Chicago.
“You’re leaving me?” he turns to face me when I stop cutting.
“Kinda.” I grin. “I’ll be back to visit.”
“That’s not the same! Who’s gonna cut my hair? I finally find someone who does a good job…” he trails off.
“I’ll get you set up with someone else in between my flying back and forth.” I‘m still grinning.
He smiles back then we continue our non-stop talking until I’m done cutting.
“Do you have someone right after me?” he asks.
“I have an hour in between you and my next one.”
“Whatcha gonna do?”
“Get coffee.” I know where this is going and my face is heating up.
“May I join you?”
Please do.
“Sure.” I take the cape off of him and we walk up front. “I’ll be right back.” I tell him and walk to the break room to toss the towels I used, get my purse, and take a deep breath.
At the coffee shop, we’re still talking ninety miles an hour. He’s intense and I’m intrigued by that. Two of my co-workers, Kristen and Timothy walk by us, grinning. I feel my head is swimming.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asks.
I’m drowning.
“I haven’t thought beyond work yet.”
“Do you…wanna hang out?”
I do, I don’t know, I’m scared…
“Sure.” I smile.
“Ok, lemme get your number and I’ll give you mine. Text me when you get off and we can do whatever. Maybe dinner?”
“Perfect.”
“You like the Vortex?”
“Oh yeah!” I laugh.
“We’ll go there.”
“Deal!” I glance at my phone. It’s almost time for my client to be finished with color. “I have to go back.”
We walk out the door and he hugs me. “See you tonight.”
“Yup!”
I’m trying to catch my breath walking back to the salon. This is my first real date since Rob. I don’t really know how I feel about this. Although I’m really excited, the stuff in my head feels really intense right now.
“Who was that Missy?” Timothy asked when I returned.
“A client…a really cute client…we have a date.” I smile.
“He is cute! I was checkin’ him out when he walked in!” Clay piped up.
“Well good.” he smiles.
“You have a date?” Kristen walks in.
I nod, still smiling, head still swimming.
“With that boy you were just with?”
I’m still nodding.
“You liiike him.” she giggles. “You could tell by the way you were sitting.”
“That obvious huh?” I laugh.
“Just an observation.”
My co-workers know me too well…
As the day goes on, the usual “what am I going to wear, contacts or glasses, straight or curly hair?” questions bounce around in my head. I don’t know. I don’t know how to be, or what to be right now.
Work ends and suddenly I’m in a rage. I leave the salon, get stuck in traffic and find myself crying. My client is not Rob. It’s ok that he’s someone else, it’s just I’m still having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that Rob isn’t here for me to go on dates with, for me to plan outfits for, do my face and hair for. It’s all new and that’s scary. I’m curious enough to try it though… just see what happens.
I meet my client at his house. He’s on the porch when I walk up.
“Hey!” he hugs me hard.
“Hi!”
“I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day!” he exclaims.
“Me too!”
He shows me his house and then we’re off to dinner. It’s so damn good! Even though I feel a little crazy, I’m at ease with him. He’s easy to talk to and I find myself laughing at his stories.
“So I’ve had this crush on you since you cut my hair last.” he confesses.
I’m laughing again and admitting my own crush on him. “I tried to get you to come back and you wouldn’t reschedule!”
“I couldn’t tell you if were trying to build your business or if you liked me.”
“Both!” I smile.
“I knew I was coming back though.” he smiles back.
Once we’re finished we head to the car trying to decide where to go from here. Everything is going to be packed and I really want to be able to hear each other and not scream. When we’re quiet for a moment he leans over and kisses me. I kiss him back, trying not to shake. Even though my eyes are closed they are flooded with tears. I don’t know what sparked them so quickly as if on command but I’m grateful it’s dark outside when we stop. He’s smiling at me and I’m smiling back but I feel so broken. God bless the man that dates me now after going through all this. My client has no idea about Rob or anything. I want to tell him but I’m saving it for later, almost trying to see how long I can go without bringing it up.
“How about the Righteous Room on Ponce?” he asks.
“I’ve never been there!”
“Let’s go then!”
Once inside the small cozy little bar, we settle into a perfect table just barely big enough for two people between a wall and a window and continue our story telling, people watching and laughing.
“Do you wanna do a shot?” he asks.
Yes.
“No, I better not. Gotta little problem with the alcohol.” I’m surprised at the words leaving my mouth.
“Yeah?”
I nod. “I just don’t really drink much anymore.”
Somehow we get on the topic of emotions and actually experiencing them after the alcohol subject.
“Feelings are meant to be felt. There’s no sense in trying to hide from them behind something.” he says.
It’s taken me years to get that! Where the hell did he come from and how does he know this? I’m not sure what to say to that, so I find myself nodding quietly, soaking up his words and saving them for later.
“I like you Melissa Nipper.” he firmly states.
“I like you too.” My face is heating up again.
“I know you’re moving, but I’d like to spend more time with you before you go.”
“That would be awesome.” It is in this moment that I’m able to see that I’m sitting across from an emotionally available person who is interested in me. He’s not a project I can carefully pick up, examine, and try to fix but simply himself and it’s a welcome breath of fresh air.
I’m noticing a change in my own behavior. I’m able to say what I want without hesitation, without wondering “what is he going to think about me?” My usual questioning in search of “deal breakers” has ceased. I am able to see and hear this person and enjoy him for exactly who he is, instead of looking for the things I find “wrong” with him, just incase he decides he might want to leave me first, and I feel the need to beat him to it.
None of that matters now. I already had this incredible relationship with someone I loved and trusted with every ounce of my being. I feel I’ll get to have that again at some point. In the meantime, while I’m not ready to go down the relationship road again, I’m learning what it feels like to really be with someone, really engage in conversation, not have any sort of expectations, and let go of any desire to control them or myself, just have an experience and enjoy it for exactly what it is.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asks as I’m leaving.
“Working until six.”
“Wanna hang out?” he smiles.
“I do.”