Date...Part 2

I didn’t sleep as well as I had wanted last night. I find myself moving at a snail’s pace into the salon. I quietly set up my station and walk to the break room, trying to figure out what’s going on in my head. I had a really good time last night. Figuring out what all this feels like and putting it out there is impossible right now.
“How are ya?” Amber walked up to me.
“I’m a little crazy. How are you?”
“Yeah, I’m ok. What’s going on?”
“It’s everything. It’s moving, and all that. I don’t have much time left here. That and I went on a date last night and had a great time.” I smile.
“Really! How’d you meet?”
I told her the story of the haircuts, coffee etc…
“That’s so fun!”
“It is! I had a great time but I’m leaving! Lord! I miss Rob a lot today too. Everything is still moving forward but sometimes, I‘m over here looking back.”
She nods, hugs me and I cry.
“I wish I understood.” she tells me.
“You don’t want to understand.” I smile.
We each go about our morning routine and start our first clients. After I finish my third one I join Timothy at his station.
“Sooo… How was last night?” he smiled.
“So fun!” I laughed. “I feel kinda crazy today though. I want to tell him about Rob. I feel like it’s this thing that I have to get out of the way. I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Tell him. It’ll explain any weird off the wall moods you might be having.”
“I will.” I nod. “I think I’m going to see him tonight.”
“Good.”
My work day ends and I text my client. He calls and is out with a friend watching the Georgia game.
“Can I call you after the game?”
“Yup.”
I go home, shower, and read for a little while. I don’t know how much time has passed when my phone rings, starling me. I smile when I see my client’s number appear.
“Hi!”
“Hey cutie, how are you?”
“Good. Tired. You?”
“I’m good. You wanna hang out?”
“I do, but I’m not gonna last too much longer.”
“That’s Ok. I’m pretty tired too. Come whenever though.”
We get off the phone and I drive over to see him and his friend on the porch, both of them leaning back in comfy chairs, talking. It’s chilly outside but the air is still and the sky is clear.
“Hi!” I smile at my client, then introduce myself to his friend before sitting down in a chair across from them.
They go back and forth telling stories, cracking me up, although I feel I have nothing to contribute so I remain quiet and listen. I’m not sure how long we’re out there before my client’s friend announces he has to go. We all say our goodbyes and I head inside with my client.
“I’ll be right back.” he tells me and disappears while I gingerly lay myself across his bed on my back. I’m staring at the ceiling wondering when am I going to unload all this on him.
When he returns he lays down next to me on his side. “So what’s this family thing you have to do tomorrow.”
My heart stopped. I completely forgot I told him I was doing family stuff the next day. Family meaning Rob’s family.
“Um. Well. Funny you should ask. I was just trying to figure out how to tell you this.”
He’s quiet. My eyes are still fixated on the ceiling but I feel his eyes on me. I feel the part of my brain that shuts down when something gets hard turn itself off and without warning my mouth is taking words and making them into sentences, explaining the events between the months of February and April.
“So two weeks after I accepted the job in Chicago, Rob was killed in a car accident. I blinked and my life changed.” my mouth closed and my eyes remained on the ceiling.
“I’m so sorry.” he said quietly. “You have my deepest sympathies.”
“Thank you.” I say to the ceiling.
Out of the corner of my eye I see his arm reach around me. He pulls me into him, wrapping me up in a long, warm, hug and didn’t let go. I tried to inhale him, to relax, but my mind was still shut off. When he unwrapped me I went back to the ceiling.
“I was mad at him that morning.” I volunteered. “I couldn’t shake it and knew something wasn’t right. The whole day I had this uneasy feeling.”
I told him about being at work, walking home, then getting coffee.
“My dad called and told me. I spent a week with my parents, moved Rob out of his place, spoke at his funeral, took more time off and wrote a lot…” I trailed off and stopped talking when there was no response from my client. I don’t know what the protocol is for all this. I don’t know what is too much information and what isn’t. My head opens up sometimes and I will volunteer the most random things sometimes.
He props himself up on his elbow and looks at me. “I want you to know that if you ever need anything, anyone to talk to, whatever, you can talk to me. No matter where you are, you can call me.”
The sincerity playing across his face fills me up. “Thank you.” I nod. I feel silly for being able to cry at the drop of a hat yesterday and yet today, as I’m telling the story I’m completely void of anything. He pulls me to him again and my head is resting on his chest.
“You’re a really strong person.” he says after a while.
I look up at him. “Seriously. Why does everyone say that? I don’t see it, and I don’t understand it.”
“You’re moving forward. You didn’t stop living. That takes a lot of strength.”
I didn’t see where I had a choice. I didn’t want to go the other way.
The subject slowly starts to change. I’m there for a little while longer before I feel my eyes getting heavy.
“I have to get going darlin’.” I pull myself up.
“Ok. Will I see you tomorrow?”
I nod and smile.
He walks me out and I drive home feeling a million times better for getting all that out. I fall into bed once I’m home and sleep finds me easily.