Cemetery...

I’m finishing up my last client when my co-worker walks up to me.
“Hey, do you have plans tonight?” he asks.
“Nope.”
“Wanna do something?”
“I do.” I smile.
“Ok, we’ll talk when you’re done.”
I pack up my station once my client leaves. He walks over to me.
“I was thinking maybe we could go back to the Oakland Cemetery.”
“That would be fabulous!” I lit up. We decided to meet back at the salon in an hour.
At home, I change into jeans and a t-shirt and contemplate getting coffee but decide against it.
He and I meet at the salon and decide he’ll drive.
“What do you think about getting some Mexican at that little place across from the cemetery first?” he asks.
“You read my mind! One of my clients told me that place was awesome.”
“Perfect!”
On the way over we talk about our day while simultaneously playing with pieces of our hair. He twirls a tiny section at his crown and I bend my ends at the nape of my neck. I am known at the salon for raking my fingers through my co-worker’s hair. I’ve done this since the beginning of my career. It calms me down. His is one of my favorite heads of hair aside from Monique’s and Sarah’s. I almost ask him if I could play with his hair but don’t. I think about Rob for a little bit. I would rub the back of his head while he drove us to where ever. He’d always smile and say “I love you lovin on me.”
We pull into the restaurant and go in. It’s a tiny little spot that looks like it’s decorated for Cinco de Mayo. In no time we’ve both settled into quesadillas and enchiladas as the sun begins to go down.
“So what do you think?” he asks once we’re stuffed. “Do you want to head over to the cemetery now or wait a little while?”
“Hmm. I just don’t want to be there with the sun blazing. I don’t mind either way. Did you have something else you wanted to do in mind?”
“No, not really.”
“Let’s just go over there then.” I smile.
“Yeah, it’ll get dark soon anyway.”
We park on a side street and walk over. The temperature has dropped and a slight breeze is floating by.
“Maybe we should see a movie later.” he suggests.
“Absolutely! A scary one!” I giggle.
“Oh yeah!”
We walk through a huge iron gate and onto the brick lined pathway. Since Rob died I’ve been somewhat scared of and fascinated by cemeteries. This one is especially beautiful and creepy all at the same time.
“Let’s go over there.” he points to the right.
I walk behind him as we wind around the headstones, stopping every now and then to read them. Many are from the 1800’s. We come across more children than we’d care to see. I’m curious as to what took the lives of so many babies and toddlers.
A couple of headstones are so intricately beautiful that we stop to stare extra long at them. One in particular has me mesmerized with it’s perfectly sculpted flowers around a cross and crown. It belongs to a woman who died in the early 1900’s. I wonder who she was, what she was like and what she did with her life.
“Hey let’s go look at that one!” he piped up.
I quickly follow him to this structure that resembles an arch. There are 6 people stacked in. Three on one side, three on the other. The design of the structure keeps the weather from wearing away the engraving on the graves. On the “ceiling” of this one is the same cross and crown with flowers around it. We decide this is definitely a favorite. He snaps a picture of me smiling down at him from inside the thing with his camera phone.
The sun drops further as we meander along various paths, peering into several different locked structures that house families that have long passed. Small stained glass pictures line some of the walls of these places. You can only see them if you peek in.
“I want to show you where the confederate soldiers are buried.” he tells me and we head in that direction. After walking along that path he finds an enormous sculpture of a crying lion laying on a confederate flag.
“This is my favorite thing in here.” he tells me. “How do you even do that?”
“No idea.”
He asks if I want to check out the Jewish section.
“Absolutely!”
For whatever reason the Jewish people are packed in very tightly and have they’re own place. We carefully walk around the rows and rows of various families, most headstones are written in both English and Hebrew. I stop at a sign and begin reading about the Jewish people buried here. I barely make it passed the first sentence when I ask him to come over with me. We’re standing next to each other reading, when something moves behind us. We look at each other and freeze.
“What was that?” I whisper.
“I don’t know.” he whispers back and we both take off in another direction.
A little while later the sun has completely gone away and the city has lit up behind the cemetery. He entertains me with stories about his life as we wander. I take in the atmosphere and his words. We’re both quiet for a while until he points up and says “Look. Bats.”
“Wow.” I watch the little critters swoop down and back up again. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen any of those.”
We make it back to the entrance of the cemetery and leave, deciding to come back again.
“Where to now?” he says once we’re in the car.
“You still want to see a movie?”
“I do. Let’s head over there.”
While buying tickets to the “Pineapple Express” we run into two of his good friends who were former co-workers of ours. We’re all seeing the same movie and sit together. It felt good to laugh for two hours but both of us are dragging by the time we leave.
We’re quiet on the way back to the salon to where my car is waiting for me.
“I had fun tonight.” he says before hugging me.
“I did too! Thank you! I‘ll see you in the morning.” I smile and climb out of the car.
“Hey.” he says and gets out too. “Do you think it would be ok if I crashed on your couch?”
“Of course!” I laugh. “I’m ten minutes from here.”
“Ok, I’ll just follow you.”
Once we’re parked we walk up my driveway.
“Your house is cute.” he says.
“Thank you.” I push the key in the lock and unlock the door.
Once inside he walks through each room, investigating the tiniest details, stopping at my room. “Um. Can I see your room?” he asks.
“Yeah, go ahead.” I nod.
“Wow. I like your easel.” he smiles when he turns on the light. It’s propped up in a corner. I haven’t used it in quite some time.
“Thank you! Mom gave that to me a while back.” I smile.
“You’ve got a really great place here.”
“Thanks. I like it.”
We walk into the living room. He sits on the recliner and I curl up on the couch, cold all the sudden. We talk a while before deciding to sit outside.
“You sit out here much?” he asks.
“I don’t actually. Prolly should.” I reply sitting on the steps next to him.
“It’s great out here.”
“Hm mm.” I nod.
We continue talking until three in the morning. He has to be up before me. My eyes are heavy but my mind is racing.
“We should probably get to sleep.” he says after I yawn.
“Yeah.” I smile. “Um…may I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Would you be ok with sleeping next to me while I play with your hair?” I try not to wince as the words come out of my mouth. I feel awkward asking such a thing but I’d just feel better knowing he was next to me.
“Is that all we’d be doing?” he stared at me and this catches me off guard.
“Um, well. That depends…”I trail off but hold his eye contact while my toes squeeze together from the nervousness.
He nods. “Because that’s all I want to have happen. I mean, I don’t want things to get weird but I’m not up for doing anything else. Is that ok?”“Of course.” I smile, almost relieved in a weird way. He’s not going to use me.
I let this sink in as we both get ready for bed in separate rooms. I am so used to being a relentless flirt, mistaking attention from men and sex for love that being anything else is rather difficult. I have not maintained a friendship with someone I’m attracted to without something physical happening. So here I am, turning out the light and climbing into bed with someone I deeply admire to just simply sleep.
It’s so dark, I can’t see anything. My hand finds his head though. The heat radiating from his body is immense and I think of Rob and how I used to call him my ‘space heater’. My feet are freezing and I’d love to defrost them on my co-worker’s legs like I did with Rob, laughing when he’d yell at how cold they were, but I don’t move them. I run my fingers over his scalp, letting his hair slip through my fingers. His breathing is soft and even. I wonder if he’s asleep. Over and over my hands travel over his head and through his hair, my forearm resting on his back. I think about how at the most interesting time his path has crossed mine again and we’ve found ourselves in somewhat similar situations with our ‘habits’ and are able to be open with each other. Rob was the only man I was ever really able to open up to. Now with him gone I feel trapped between being scared to be open again and getting over that while moving forward with a mentality that I am secure in who I am and if it doesn’t work for you then I gotta go. It’s all easier said than done.
My fingers begin to move slower and slower through his hair until I’m barely aware that they’ve curled around a fistful of it as I finally fall asleep.