Atlanta...

I have to go back to work today. I've missed my co-workers so much, but I'm not ready for my clients. I'm not ready to rehash this whole thing hundreds of times. I'm not ready to focus on work but I crave the therapeutic action of sectioning hair and feeling my blades open and close over each of those sections.
I go to my apartment first to unload everything I had brought to mom and dad's. Everything is silent. I walk to the kitchen and stare at the wine glasses Rob and I used last week, sitting on the counter. Dishes are still in the sink. Everything has been left untouched. I put my bags down on the couch. Walking into my bathroom, I look for something Rob may have left. Nothing. Only the towel he used is still hanging on the towel rack. In my room the coolant I bought for my car is still sitting by the door. I had been in the shower when he added it to my car weeks ago on Easter Sunday. The bed is still unmade. I walk over to it and pick up the pillow he slept on. I bring it to my face and inhale it, hoping to smell him. Nothing. As I place it back on the bed I notice short brown hairs scattered over it's surface. I exhale and walk down the hall, out the door and into the car.
Work is good. I manage to calmly explain everything that happened to the clients that asked. I squeeze the life out of my co-workers, trying to absorb all their love. I'm forever searching for the love he gave me. I'm trying so hard to find it here on Earth, knowing good and well, it's not here. At least not in the tangible form I was so used to.
When I finish my last client I pack up my station and walk outside. The sun is still out but it'll be going down soon. The temperature is perfect. I call Rob's parent's and Lesley answers the phone.
"Hi darlin'. How are you?"
"I'm ok, how are you?" she replies. I can barely hear her.
"Good, I was just calling to say that I'm on my way to come see you guys."
"Ok."
"See you in a little while."
"Ok. Bye."
"Bye."
I climb into my mom's car. My little Celica is still in the shop with $6,000 worth of damages to it. I miss it. It's also the last thing I want to think about right now.
I get onto I20 and drive while singing some ridiculous rap song. (stop laughing.J ) It helps me to relax, this whole singing thing. I've done it my whole life. I don't focus so much on getting everything perfect, just open my mouth and let it all come out. I'm surprised at how calm and relaxed all the lyrics are as they escape me. For the first time in years, I sat at my parent's piano yesterday and decided to play. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed creating music. Again, I didn't focus on whether or not I got the notes right, I just played, and with keeping that mindset, my mind opened and I was able to play things I completely forgot about.
I get off the exit and turn right. I keep thinking he's here with me. It feels so weird to visit his family without him. It's even weirder to see his car parked in their driveway and knowing he's not inside.
Rob's dad is outside, smoking with a neighbor.
"Hey there!" I chirp as I get out of the car.
"Hey Melissa, how are ya?"
"I'm ok. How are you?" I reply, hugging him.
"I'm good. Melissa, this is Jimmy." he introduces me to his neighbor.
"Hey there."
"Good to meet you." he nods at me.
"Ya know that's bad for you?" I tease Rick.
"So they say."
"I'll see you inside." I smile and walk up the driveway, pausing only briefly to etch the memory of Rob's Explorer in mind. I walk into the house.
"Hey! Come on in!" Rob's mom, Judy greets me. "How was your first day back?"
"It was ok." I smile.
Lesley walks into the kitchen with us. I hug her. The front door opens and closes and Rob's dad comes up the stairs.
"You guys wash up if you need to, and fix your plates." Judy tells us.
When we're all seated at the table, we take each other's hands while Rick says the blessing. Rob was always the one to do it. When I open my eyes, it's Lesley next to me, not Rob. She begins to tell us a story about school. I watch her hands as she gestures. Her nails have been bitten down to the white meat like Rob's. I notice that in fact she has a girl version of Rob's hands. Long fingers, wide palms. I look up at his mom and she smiles and winks at me exactly like Rob did. I smile back thinking that little pieces of him are with me always, wherever I am.