Clients...

Client…
I woke up this morning and went through my usual routine. Oatmeal, coffee shop, email, writing, and some reading. I wanted to run but didn’t have time. The bugs on my hip are still quite sore, so I may not be running for a while anyways.
I walk home and shower, then get dressed for work. I stop and pick up Rob’s picture that is sitting on my dresser. It’s the one I just developed of him in the Explorer. I stare at it and talk to him.
“Just let me know you’re here.” I say to the paper. “I love you so much.”
The glossy still image is smiling back at me. I place it back on the dresser and continue getting ready for work. How am I today? I think to myself. My mind draws a blank. I don’t have a clue.
I drive to work as if on autopilot. I stop at Belly on N. Highland for some orange juice that Rob loved. It’s yet another beautiful day. I get to work, park the car and go in. My day is busy with wonderful people. I walk to my station and open my drawer. In it I find a card and a package. The package is from Marla, a client I met at a coffee shop one afternoon shortly after I started working at Salonred. It contains a little notebook that says “Dreams” across the front of it and two gift certificates to this precious coffee shop in Decatur that she and I were talking about when I saw her last. I smile and place the items back in the large envelope they came in. I open the card and it’s from another client, Sandy. She says she’s thinking about me and said that she hoped one day I’ll be able to share my writing with my family and Rob’s. This makes me cry.
I get a hold of myself and set up my station. I enjoy everyone’s company. There is no mention of Rob until I see Marty, my 3pm. Monique did her color first and she’s now in my chair. I’m pretty sure she knows about Rob and I can’t even look her in the eye right now.
“Melissa, I’m so sorry for your loss.” she says quietly after sitting in my chair.
I look at her then and tell her thank you. The expression on her face is so sincere that I have to avert my eyes again. I pull out my cape and drape it around her neck. I start sectioning her hair.
“Oh you have a daisy on your necklace!” she exclaims.
I smile.
“I love daisies!”
“Me too.”
She tells me that a psychic told her that the daisy was “her flower”. She went into a story about this psychic and how she believes in these things. I’ve never found myself disclosing much information to Marty but she’s got my interest piqued this afternoon.
“Have you ever been to a psychic?” she asks.
“Yes.” I tell her about James.
“Do you feel Rob?” she asks after I’m done.
“I do, but it’s weird. It’s not a physical thing. I just know that he’s there. Sometimes, I feel this overwhelming sense of comfort. I felt that with him when he was alive. It’s hard to explain.” I reply.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t want to upset you by any means, and if this is too much then let me know…”
“Of course. You can tell me anything.” I stop cutting and look at her.
“I don’t know why I’m about to say what I’m going to say.” she begins.
I nod.
“I just have this feeling. It’s like Rob had to physically leave you so you could have this sort of freedom, not that he ever held you back, because he didn’t, it’s just you needed to become a stronger person and you could only do that through this.”
I’m crying. It’s exactly what I’ve felt. So many things clicked into place and I feel I now see myself as he saw me. I now want to take care of myself and actually live my life and not let it just go by to pass time.
“Oh honey, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Are these good tears?”
I nod. My whole body is red.
“I can feel him.” she says. “Do you?”
I shake my head. “I don’t feel anything.”
“He’s kinda standing almost between us. He was a very strong person wasn’t he?”
I can’t believe this is happening and that I’m not freaking out at the moment. The tears have stopped and my hands are on Marty’s shoulders while she’s telling me she feels my deceased boyfriend standing with us.
“Yes. Very much so.”
“I can feel that.”
“How?”
“I can’t explain it. I just know things. I don’t know how.”
I decide to just stop questioning and let whatever is going to happen, happen. We don’t say anything for a while until I pipe up.
“I think it’s interesting I wore this necklace today being that you like daisies.” I get back to cutting her hair. “I was about to walk out the door before I saw it and stopped to put it on.”
“That is interesting. Daisies are very happy flowers.” she smiles.
“They are. I thought I lost this necklace but found it a couple of weeks ago” I smile back.
“Really. Maybe you could help me find these two rings that belonged to my mother.”
“How?” I don’t know how I’d be of assistance.
“I was going to get them sized and had them wrapped up in blue tissue paper. They were sitting on my dresser then one day they were gone.”
I nod and think to Rob, “Honey, help her find them…”
“You’ll find them.” I reply. “May not be exactly when you want, but they’ll turn up. You have to call me if that happens before I see you again.” I giggle.
“I will do that!”
I walk Marty up front and she checks out. The rest of my day goes by smoothly. My dear friend Jeff is my last one. He hugs me hello when he walks in.
“How are you?” he asks when I let go.
“I don’t have an answer for that.”
He stares at me.
“I’m happy to be doing your hair though!” I chirp and motion for him to follow me to my chair.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch.” he says when he sits. “I wasn’t really sure what to do or say.”
I nod. I imagined myself sitting on Jeff’s couch with him, holding his hand while I told him about Rob. I’ve noticed it’s women I want to talk most with and men, I just want to feel them, hug them, hold their hands. I’m still searching for the connection I had with Rob.
“You said you had a lot to tell me.” he says.
“I do.” I don’t know where to start and if I even want to have this conversation at work.
I start cutting his hair and begin talking about moving Rob’s things out of his place, about the funeral, about how I’ve managed to still hold my life together for the most part. I told him about how I feel I’ve finally gotten closer with my family, how my idea of what’s really important, completely changed, and how people have been so overwhelmingly amazing with their love and support.
“I didn’t even know people cared so much.” I said to the side of Jeff’s head while my blades opened and closed over the hair that inhabited the left side of his neck. My hand begin to shake, my voice cracks and I stop cutting but keep staring at his head until the shaking stops then I resume. “It’s an awful thing to have happen but I’ve learned so much, seemingly overnight.”
He says nothing and I’m not sure where to go from here. Jeff is the best listener simply because he just listens and says nothing but right now, I need him to say something. I change the subject.
“I still want to take you out for your birthday.” I smile at him. His birthday was the day of my accident. Two days before Rob’s.
“Ok. Weekends are usually best for me.”
“Saturday then?”
“If I don’t have to work, yes.”
“Deal.”
I finish his hair and pack up my station as he leaves. I think to myself that out of all the conversations I‘ve shared with my clients, through all the crazy stories I’ve heard and told, I’ve never had to deal with grief before while at work. I’ve learned more than I’ve ever wanted to know about marriage, child birth, crazy family situations, schools, teenagers, toddlers, old folks, illness, vacations, restaurants, and various jobs but there have only been a tiny handful of situations where I’ve dealt with a grieving client. Even then, they are quick to dismiss the subject. Never have I ever been on the other side of that equation. I guess there’s always room for more learning experiences…